i need to learn to write a shorter blog.

wow, i've gotten really bad about updating this. which, unfortunately for y'all, means this will probably another entirely too lengthy post. 

first off, i want to thank all of you for your birthday love! it was greatly, greatly appreciated. you all know how i am about my birthday, and this year i spent it sleeping and teaching. also, that made me feel incredibly old. like, there was plenty of celebrating leading up to my birthday. my party was super fun, i had a great time the whole week before. but then my actual birthday rolled around, and i saw two english speakers the whole day (as no one at my school really counts). then we went out to dinner and talked about teaching, per usual. there was no cake, no candles, no cards, no presents, no singing. i'm not sure if it's because i had such a good birthday weekend or what, but the lack of birthday celebration on my birthday didn't really bother me, and that makes me feel old. i'm already to that age where your actual birthday is just another day. what did bother me about my birthday was that it made me INCREDIBLY homesick. by far the most homesick i've been so far in china. so, excuse me for being sappy for a minute, but i fucking miss the shit out of you bitches. i've made some really good friends here, and i really, really like most of the people, but i'm really missing the absurdity of this summer, and really just college in general. i mean, i live in fucking china. everyday is pretty fucking absurd, but every single time something ridiculous happens i think of how y'all would help me bring it to an entirely new level. anyways, enough blathering about that. just wanted everyone to know how much i love and miss you :)

my school week was pretty average. my kids were fucking terrible and didn't understand anything i was saying. ridiculous shit was said in english for no apparent reason. at least 15 minutes of each class was wasted trying to get them quiet. you know, the usual. i was actually talking to some people in the program this weekend and pretty much everyone was like "i fucking hate teaching.... but it's totally worth being able to live here" and i have to say that's my sentiment exactly. i'm pretty sure it comes as a surprise to no one that i did not find out that teaching middle school is my calling in life. but at the same time, i'm working 12 hours a week and making more than enough money to live comfortably. basically, what i'm saying, is regardless of the negative tone of this post so far, i fucking love living in china, and i love my life right now.

ok, now on to more fun stuff. friday night we went to an all you can eat/drink pizza and beer night. the guy that owns it is from san fran, so the pizza is actually legit. it was pretty funny because the restaurant is really just like a stall, so all the seating is outdoors, so to have the all you can eat thing they fence off a large area. i'd say about 95% of the people there were foreigners, and the other 5% were with foreigners. on top of this, they had normal sized cups and longer tables, so clearly everyone's mind instantly went to beer pong. and since the owner is from america, he was totally down, and even went and got us ping pong balls. i ended up being too lazy to go over and play, but at one point i looked up to watch a bit of the game and there are like 10-15 chinese people just standing outside the fence and watching what was going on. it was seriously like we were in a fucking zoo. luckily, we were playing beer pong and eating pizza, so they got a really good idea of what life is like in america. also, that night i met another girl in the program whose students are the same age as mine and just as bad. we spent quite a bit of the night bitching about our students with each other because no one else understands. overall it was really fun, and fred is going to be playing a show there on halloween, so it looks like we'll all be going back this friday as well. anyways, when that was over we tried to go to a bar, but somehow managed to fail at that, so instead we stood around outside a 7 eleven and drank beer. yeah, i'm keeping it pretty classy here.  

so saturday rolls around, and i had been invited by one of my students to eat lunch at his house (his mom works at my school and is the reason why i stuck with marie when they called me that instead of correcting them). so i meet the kid outside kfc and he walks me back to his house. the conversation went something like this:

kid: my apartment has 3 stories. the top story is on the roof.

me: oh wow, that sounds very nice.

kid: yes. [awkward pause] i have many guns. 

me: guns??

kid: yes. also have many uh.. [motions bow and arrow]

me: bow and arrow?

kid: yes yes. also have [motions crossbow]

me:...oh....wow. 

that's pretty much how the first 20 minutes of me being there went as well. them showing me weapons or other random shit they had, like badminton racquets that were about 150 bucks each. then they took some pictures of me sitting on the couch with a large fancy camera. also, there are 3 kids. this might all sound somewhat normal, but my mind was just blown at how much money these people have when both parents work for public schools. so then we sit down to lunch and they give me some weird soup first, even though no one else is getting soup. it was cold and thick and had beans in it. and while it certainly wasn't terrible or anything, i definitely could have done without it. then they ask if i want anything to drink. chinese people don't really drink with their meals, and it was clear none of them were getting anything, so i said no. which, obviously means the dad got up and poured us both a whole glass of some random chinese liquor i've never heard of before. so we cheers and i try it, and while it's not nearly as bad as baijiu, it was certainly not something i wanted to be drinking. and then the kid runs and gives me some homemade rice wine. i'm talking, he brought out a tupperware container of rice and whatever else goes into making booze and poured some juice from it into my glass. so at this point i have two different glasses of liquor next to me. at lunch. a family lunch. with my student. the dumplings, however, were fucking delicious. of course they made me eat way to many of them, but i'm not complaining. they were probably the best dumplings i've had here so far (if you don't count the xiaolongbao). after lunch my student asked if i wanted to go for a walk, which i assumed meant he was walking me home. wrong. we basically just went on this really random walk. but he did show me where a swimming pool is, so that's legit. the most random thing though, was he took me to the middle school by his house (not my school). i have no idea why the guard let us in, or why he thought i might want to see this school, or why he wanted to go to this school on a saturday, or why there were random kids also aimlessly wondering around the school, but whatever.  basically all this did was make me realize what a piece of shit school i go to. this place was way, way nicer. anyways, at this point i had linda call me and then told him i had to leave. it was a really nice lunch though, and they said they wanted me to come back a lot, so we'll see. maybe more delicious homemade dumplings are in my future...

after lunch linda, frank, and i got on a bus to longgang. longgang is another area of the city, but it's not in the special economic zone, and it's like an hour and a half bus ride away from the city (which is why frank stays at hotel yantian every weekend haha).anyways, evan and stephen were supposed to meet us there at about the same time, but between frank's terrible directions on how to get to the bus stop, buses being full, and a couple beer breaks, it took them 6 hours to arrive in longgang. at one point  we were hanging out in a park and trying to figure out where they were and how they were going to get to longgang. some chinese guy that had been standing like 15 feet away and staring at us came up and offered to help. he then sat there and talked to us for like an hour at least. part of this was lecturing us for eating potato chips, and then making us eat some fruit. mostly he talked about how shenzhen fucking sucks and we should go somewhere else if we want to see chinese culture or meet nice chinese people, as everyone in shenzhen just wants money. so stephen and evan ended up making it to longgang by the grace of god and the help of a very nice chinese girl named heidi. since she was so nice and went out of her way to help them, we brought her along with us for the rest of the night and paid for all of her stuff. i was sort of afraid we had like, kidnapped her, but apparently she told linda she really liked hanging out with us. so after dinner we went to pool hall, where the only table was in the vip room. so we were basically in this back room with a table, and a computer with internet and speakers. the table, however, was a snooker table (aka- fucking giant) so the pool playing didn't go very well. we listened to music and drank beer and attempted to play pool on a snooker table for about two hours before heading to the bar. i say the bar, because there is only one. at this point, it's like 1 am. so we're basically the only people in the bar aside from like 3 dudes. linda and heidi went home around 3 or 4, but the rest of us were at this fucking bar til like 5. at this time, evan is pretty much incoherent, but we decide to grab another beer and watch the sunrise in the park. there's this really tall pagoda thing with a great view of the park, so we decided to watch it from up there. as we're doing this, the roles suddenly switch and stephen is passed out and evan has bounced back. i guess one of the perks of staying out til the sun is up is that you can sober up from a ridiculous stage of drunkenness, but still be drunk. anyways, longgang has bullshit sunrises. like, you couldn't see the sun until it had already completely risen. but whatever. so we decide to go sit by the lake, but stephen won't come with us. we decide this is fine, and leave him there. he pretty much immediately got up after that, but instead of calling us, left and got lost. so we decide to meet back at the apartment, which i am still amazed stephen found. i couldn't have found it i were sober and spoke fluent mandarin as i had been paying zero attention to where we were. we got home around 7 am, but clearly, it's not time for bed yet. so we continue drinking and playing music in the living room til about 10 am. apparently frank's roommate didn't like this, as we woke up around 12:30-1 to him blasting rage against the machine about as loud as an non-industrial speaker will go. he proceeded to play the battle of los angeles in it's entirety.  since getting home from longgang like 7 hours ago i've been hungover and tired (even though i took a nap) and had the song 'god is a girl' stuck in my head the entire time. also, if you want to see what fabulous taste chinese people have in music, you should youtube 'god is a girl' which has lyrics such as "god is a girl/do you believe it?/can you receive it?"

anyways, i need to go to bed soon so i can wake up by noon so i have time to plan my lesson for the week and track down some cheap candy for halloween. sorry this post is so absurdly long, but hopefully it helped at least one person procrastinate on a paper that's due in an hour or two.