100% Fun with some FAIL! thrown in

god, where to start. perhaps with a warning that this could easily turn into the longest blog...ever. 

ok, so the trip consisted of me, jess, linda, kate (the other girls who live in hotel yantian), frank, evan (two frequent visitors to hotel yantian), harry, gwyn, audrey, and justin. sort of an eclectic mix, but i guess that's lost on all of you, so we won't go into it. anyways, jess, linda, kate, audrey, frank, evan and i decided to go to guangzhou (the city our train left from) the night before our train and spend a night out on the town there. the hostel we booked only had a 50% fun rating, so we decided to bring it up to 100%, which became a common theme throughout the trip. anyways, we get to our hostel and there was some confusion, but basically it all worked out and we got these amazing, amazing rooms. they would only let us put 4 people to room, even though they were gigantic, so i got a king sized bed to myself that night. anyways, evan and i spent the train ride there going through his tour book and looking up what to do. there were many options, dinner was between italian or one of many middle eastern restaurants, and the club scene was full of gems such as Deep Anger Music Power House (bar/lounge), Yes Club, which consisted of Super Yes, Mini Yes, Funky Yes, and Club Yes each with a different theme but all in one 6,000 sq. ft. building. We decided on Italian food at a place called The Italian Restaurant and a bar called Cave, which boasted a scantily clad woman with a snake. the italian food place ended up being a 98 kuai (13-14 dollar) all you can eat buffet with all you can drink beer. To make things better, they had CHEESE. REAL CHEESE. i had goat cheese, and blue cheese, and mozzarella cheese, and swiss cheese, and it was all SO, SO good. they also had amazing bruchetta, and lots and lots of black olives. and bread. the actual entree food was good too, but i sort of wished i had just kept eating cheese cause it was such a treat. after we finished we went around the corner to cave, and i kid you not, the first hour and a half we were there, they ONLY played britney spears. we were drinking and having fun but saw no sign of the dancing snake lady, so we were about to leave. during our last beer that we were finishing though, the dancer came out. at first she was just dancing like a stripper in a black thong bikini. it was pretty funny to watch her go up to random guys (one of them being frank) and dance on them, but i was also really pissed there was no snake. a couple of minutes later however, she totally came back with a huge yellow python (think i'm a slave for you video) and danced with it. at one point it was balancing on just her boobs and she was spinning pretty fast around in a circle. she later wore it like a belt and had the head swinging between her legs. that was awkward. super worth it though. later we did the macarena (apparently chinese people just listen to it for the song itself, as none of them knew the dance, so they all just watched us). linda and i were also dancing a little later by the bar and a waitress made us go out to the middle of the dance floor. anyways, it was a really fun night. i really want to go back to guangzhou to see the rest of the ridiculous clubs. 

the next day we met justin, gwyn, and harry and boarded our train to sanya. the train was scheduled to be 15 hours. it was 19-20. at one point in the middle of the night the ac turned off for like 4 hours and i thought i was going to die of heat exhaustion. aside from all of that though, the train wasn't that bad at all. we drank beer and baijiu and played drinking games and hung out. significantly less painful than i expected. 

we got to sanya and checked into our hostel, and this is where everything starts to blend together. but i think i have everything pretty much in order? whatever. basically we hung out at the beach and whatnot, had sushi for dinner, watched Just Go! (best tv show ever) drank at a different hostel and met some people, and at some point decided it would be a fabulous idea to go for a night swim in the ocean. which it was. we brought a case of beer and just hung out with these people from all over the world and swam and had fun. on the downside, evan, kate, and i got back to the hostel around 5:30 am, and evan and i had to be in the lobby at 9:00 to go to monkey island. we powered through though, and thank god. 

thursday linda, audrey, evan, harry, frank, justin, and i went to monkey island. it was probably my best day in china... ever. one of the best days of my life. i think that's partially because it was just way, way better than i thought it would be, and partially because it was just that fun. so monkey island is pretty much what it sounds like. an island full of monkeys. we walked in and monkeys are just everywhere. they don't really run away either, so you'll have two or three monkeys at a time like 3 feet away from you. i got to feed a monkey and i didn't know i had to immediately throw it so i had like 4 monkeys leap at my hand. then we were walking through and we saw this rock with like 3 monkeys sitting on it and our tour guide told linda to go sit on the rock. we all thought this meant to take a picture with those three monkeys in the background. no. as soon as she sat down one of them jumped on her head. once we realized she was not being attacked, i almost peed myself. we all then got take turns taking pictures with monkeys on our heads. we then went to see a monkey acrobatics show. this part still blows my mind. there were monkeys riding miniature horses, monkeys walking tight ropes, monkeys running around on stilts, monkeys riding bikes, and my favorite, a fucking goat walking a tight rope with a monkey on it's head, turning around balancing on a cup in the middle of the tight rope while the monkey did a handstand it it's head. it was absurd. i was on pins and needles worrying it was going to fall, but when it didn't, i decided it was the best thing ever. after monkey island we took the fastest cablecar on the planet back to the main island. we then went to a floating fishing village for lunch. like, the whole village was a series of connecting docks and so they had nets in gaps in the docks and that's where they kept the fish. basically, the freshest fish on the island. i got to hold a horseshoe crab and a sea turtles. i also ate snails for the first time, and some spikey thing i think was a sea urchin or something? lunch was seriously really, really good, and i don't even like seafood. our lunch conversation was also priceless, as it consisted of us learning/teaching our middle aged tourguide raunchy things to say. for example, i learned blow job in chinese is koujiao. i also read out of a phrase book that i was really high (i think that's wo hen xingfen, but don't hold me to that) and the tour guide was like "really? do you want some drugs?" and then started signaling the waiter over. luckily/unluckily(?) he was just talking about beetlenuts, which i had the night before when some other random chinese man offered me drugs, and they're basically just this dried fruit thing you chew on that tastes like asshole but makes you a little dizzy. after lunch we went to a secluded beach where we were literally the only people within eyesight. it was gorgeous and so fun to be alone. those of you who have never been to china might not appreciate the beauty of being in public and being the only person within eyesight, but it is a glorious, glorious thing. also, after we got back and before we went out for the night, we decided to cover ourselves in temporary tattoos that jess and i found at a 2 kuai store in yantian. the tattoos were a huge hit and remained on for the rest of the trip. i actually still have like 4 on as i write this. 

that night we went out again, starting at this place called rainbow bar. we hung out there drinking til they kicked us out, and then decided to go buy beer and go to the beach. this time we all got drunk enough to actually go skinny dipping in the beach. i met some people that night as well, but it's slightly awkward to meet someone while naked... regardless, it was super fun. 

then next day we had to be out of our hostel by noon, but it was raining and our train didn't leave til midnight, so we ended up hanging out at rainbow bar... all day. luckily they had really good food there, so i got a legit hamburger. we basically spent the day chatting and playing mafia and drinking. for dinner, since it was still raining and we got coupons for the OTHER rainbow bar, we took a taxi directly to the rainbow bar location 5 minutes away. it was our last night, so we decided to just pay to get drunk at the pricey bar and eat a good dinner before the train. so around 10 we decide to leave and catch our train. in the cab home, however, we discover that our train is cancelled due to a typhoon and we can't leave the island til sunday night. keep in mind it's a 15 hour train ride and we all teach monday morning. that was a huge hassle, but thanks to a few people sobering up and taking charge, it was taken care of pretty quickly. we then proceeded to go out and get really shitty drunk. no beach this time, but way too much beer. i ended up deciding to walk home alone around 3:30 or 4 when i realized i was no longer forming sentences and everyone around me was talking about libertarian politics. 

the next day was pretty slow. i had really bad sinuses and a minor hangover, so i felt like ass. i basically went to lunch, layed on the beach for 30 minutes before realizing i'd just rather be in my bed, and then going and napping til like 6. then for dinner, audrey, gwyn, harry, evan and i decided to try a new place out, as we didn't feel like shelling out the 50-60 kuai to eat at rainbow again. we ended up going to this place where you point at fish in tanks and they cook it for you. we ate outside and the food was really good, however, when we got the bill we realized the prices they were quoting us were not per what we ordered, but per ounce or something. and also, that we were supposed to have bargained. this means our dinner was outrageously expensive. that night some of us went back to the hostel to drink. evan had to leave early, as he had stayed out til 8:30 am drinking the night before, slept all day, and was still feeling like complete asshole. kate was talking to some guys from minnesota, where she's from, that we had met earlier in the week. and gwyn, linda, frank, and i decided to just go to the beach and drink beer there. it was nice to sit on the beach and not end up IN the beach. although, frank did. alone. 

the next day was another day where we had to be out at noon and then catch a train at midnight. we started out in rainbow again, but decided to just eat lunch there. we then killed a few hours in the hostel, before deciding to go check out one of the other beaches on the island. we couldn't go swimming because we didn't have showers, and honestly i don't think any of us were that energetic, but it was a really nice evening. we then had dinner at like an outdoor, upscale street food type place. it was sort of confusing because we had no idea what we were doing, but after another patron helped us figure it out, our food was fucking delicious. 

this time the train wasn't cancelled, and was almost on time getting into guangzhou, so that was a plus. it was also much better to be on the train starting so late, because i slept a lot more. i also learned a fucking ridiculous new drinking game. we finally got all the way home to our apartment at about 6:30 tonight. 

overall, the trip itself did not go very well, but it was incredibly fun. even the times where we were stuck somewhere ended up being pretty fun for what they were. i didn't know audrey at all before this trip, and i really, really like her and think we'll end up being good friends. the group dynamic ended up working out incredibly well. AND i didn't embarrass myself at all. overall, i'd say the trip was a success. 

now, i expect update from all of you.